Hey Hodgkins Lymphoma,
I hope you’re having a fantastic summer inside my body. You’ve been traveling, growing, and truly discovering what you can become. Divide and conquer. The Roman Empire would be proud.
When I first learned that you were inside of me, I was angry. I spent a lot of time wondering why you chose me. I barely know you and yet you have decided to move into my body without paying rent (rude!) and siphoning some of the greatest parts of me. My positivity, my creativity, my energy; you came for all of it. Like a bandit moving through a small western town, you showed up and just started taking whatever you wanted.
I was livid. Confused. Depressed. I began pondering what I did to beckon you. I exercise, eat well, meditate, do breathwork, and donate to charity. I spread love on a daily basis by making people laugh. I’m the one who lifts people up and for some reason you made it your mission to drag me down. Again, rude.
Here’s the thing though, Hodgy. I’m not upset that you’re in me. I feel like I'm supposed to hate you but hate is not an emotion that aligns with my personality. I love everybody and everything which means…I love you, too.
You have entered my body for a reason. Maybe it’s to make me realize that life is precious. That’s something I thought I knew but this has made me understand it even more. I believe that you are here to teach me numerous lessons that I could never have learned without you.
I’m not even in treatment yet and already you are shoving your curriculum down my fat neck.
I thought I was good at letting go. Thanks to you I realize there are sneaky beavers building dams on my river without my permission. With your help, the force of my flow will be uninterrupted as I move forward. Sorry to all my furry splinter-chopping friends, but you’re going to have to find a home elsewhere.
I found myself saying the word “should” many times over the past few weeks. I should be at Burning Man. I should have worked harder on my podcast. I should have ordered the salad instead of the fries. But “should” doesn’t get you anywhere. “Should” is for people who have regrets. I am not one of those people.
I’m learning that you can plan for the life that you desire but that those plans can be shifted in a moment’s notice. Being able to pivot is crucial to discovering how you react in any given situation. There are many things I want to do that will have to sit on the back burner for now. By releasing this energy, I know there will be new inspirations that will grow inside of me, hopefully even faster than you are growing inside my lymph nodes.
I’ve known for many years that I am deeply loved by many but I gotta tell you, Hodgy, I had no idea the amount of amazing humans that would step up since I announced you had taken up residence in my body. You think you are at an All-You-Can-Eat Cell Buffet but the Health Inspector knows you are here and is about to shut down the restaurant for multiple violations. You don’t understand the amount of love that is shooting into me. I am being carried by the uplifting energy of thousands of people and every one of them wants to see you get taken down.
Some of that love, however, I am sending directly to you. Because even though I am grateful for all of the wonders that will emerge over the next year and I want to make sure you know how I feel, I also need you to know you have fucked with the wrong magical sprite. I have rainbow blood coursing through my veins and your time is unfortunately for you, limited. Enjoy it while it lasts, Hodgy. I don’t have cancer. My body does. My soul is as radiant as ever.
You have strengthened my story. You have given my family, friends, peers, community, and fans an even greater reason to root for my success. My comedy will become more authentic, original, bold, and exciting. This will not only be cathartic for me but many others who have already been touched by you in some way. We are going to laugh. A lot. At you. By sharing my personal experience with others, you will find yourself struggling to take down the next person you enter.
My light is forever brighter and that wouldn’t have happened in the same way without you. You’re truly a mensch.
In closing, please enjoy your stay at the Hotel Alex Hooper. It’s a majestic setting to unwind, relax, and spread your cancerous wings. Sorry not sorry for all the poison that will eradicate and exile you from my body forever. Please make sure you don’t use the pool after 10 PM, especially if you have had diarrhea in the past 14 days.
Much love to one of the most notorious assholes on the planet. Let’s enjoy our time together.
Sincerely,
Alex
